Here are a few guidelines for giving a consequence:

• Give the consequence immediately following the unacceptable behavior. Don't give the consequence tomorrow or next week.
• Be clear. Your foster child may have a different definition of the task. Say "Make your bed and pick up your clothes and toys" instead of "Clean your room."
• Give brief choices. Do not wander into a long discussion about irresponsibility. State the consequence in a sentence or two.
• Be consistent. Do not give a small consequence one time and then a big one the next time for the same behavior. For example if the stereo is too loud, don't suggest putting on headphones the first time, then ground your child for two weeks the next time.
• Follow through. If your child earns a positive or negative consequence, always give it to him or her right away.

How to avoid problems while giving a consequence:

• Never use a threat, such as "You're going to get it!" or "Do that again and I'll break your neck." Threats have no teaching value. A previously abused child may take you seriously and think you are going to harm him or her. A child acting out of fear will not be learning to problem-solve.
• Do not confuse a consequence with a bribe. A bribe is a reward given in advance, for example, "I'll let you go play if you'll clean up your room later." With a bribe your child is rewarded for inappropriate behavior, instead of earning the reward with positive behavior.
• Be careful of giving too many negative consequences and not enough positive.
• Do not let negative consequences snowball. Your child may taunt you by continuing to misbehave while you add consequence after consequence. You can find yourself in a position where you have promised more consequences than you can deliver. If you ground her for a year and take away her allowance, TV, and phone privileges you have very few consequences left for the next problem. Your child may also feel she has nothing left to lose and continue to misbehave.
• Do not start with huge consequences. If you ground your child for a month right away, then what is next? If your child earns $100 sneakers for cleaning her room, she will expect more for larger jobs. Use the smallest possible consequence.
• Don't give up after a few tries. Consequences must be repeated consistently over a long period of time to have a lasting effect on behavior.

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