{"id":1467,"date":"2019-03-01T04:00:56","date_gmt":"2019-03-01T12:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/?p=1467"},"modified":"2019-03-10T23:34:04","modified_gmt":"2019-03-11T06:34:04","slug":"impulsiveness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/2019\/03\/impulsiveness\/","title":{"rendered":"Impulsiveness"},"content":{"rendered":"

In Autumn 2018, I studied abroad in Prague with CHID. I chose to do this particular study abroad because I wanted a program that valued how to consciously enter foreign spaces. The CHID Prague program seemed to have exactly what I was looking for in that regard. We were taught by Czech-based professors, met with a multitude of NGOs, and learned extensive history about the places we were occupying. The classes encouraged students to analyze systems of power, investigate public space, and conceptualize Central Europe. Overall, the program embodied everything I wanted to get out of a study abroad. <\/em><\/p>\n

The poem I chose to write for this journal is about a tattoo experience I had in Berlin, which altered my mental state for the remainder of the program. We went to Berlin as a class in October, and since I loved it so much, I decided to catch a bus back there in November. The city was so inspiring to me, and I think I wanted to physically mark my time there by spontaneously getting a tattoo. However, the process was uncomfortable and discouraging. I let the artist dictate the placement and size of his art on my body, which made me feel powerless and objectified. I was nervous to speak up for myself, so I just let the process happen. The following day I woke up feeling a mix of regret and shame. Every time I looked at my arm, I was reminded of how I failed to assert agency over my body. For the next three weeks of my program, I really struggled staying present because I was constantly reliving that day in my mind and wishing I had spoken up for myself. I’m still working on accepting the tattoo, but by writing openly and honestly about my experience I feel like I\u2019m taking some agency back and allowing myself a space to heal.<\/em><\/p>\n

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I squinted my eyes at my reflection
\nanalyzing the different faces on my arm,
\n\u201cI think it should be bigger\u201d he said\u2014
\n\u201cto go with your body.\u201d I turned away
\nfrom the mirror to face him, \u201cYeah\u201d
\nI said disappointedly, \u201cI guess you\u2019re right.\u201d
\nMy chest tightened and I wiped my sweaty
\npalms on my jeans. \u201cYou\u2019re badass\u201d he told me.
\n\u201cYeah\u201d I replied, ashamed that he had to look
\nat me. The next morning, I awoke to my skin
\nburning. A mass of bleeding ink was stained
\nonto my forearm and to relieve the pain
\nI pressed a cold palm against it; feeling my pulse
\nbeneath the scab. Riding the bus back to Prague,
\nmy eyes stung from holding back tears
\n\u201cI\u2019m badass\u201d I reminded myself.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In Autumn 2018, I studied abroad in Prague with CHID. I chose to do this particular study abroad because I wanted a program that valued how to consciously enter foreign spaces. The CHID Prague program seemed to have exactly what I was looking for in that regard. We were taught by Czech-based professors, met with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":667,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[115],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1467"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/667"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1467"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1467\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1468,"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1467\/revisions\/1468"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/chidint\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}