| Weak Comment | Better |
| You raise important issues but your organization is weak. I never knew what to expect next. The paper was lacking enough support. Where is the development of the ideas? | You raise 3 important points on your second page, but they get lost in the remainder of the paper. On your next draft, focus on just those 3 and support them with evidence and/or logical argument gained from the course material or outside sources. |
| I had trouble following your argument. It is not coherent. There are not any transitions between your ideas. I did'nt know what your point was until I read the last paragraph. | I was a little lost until I read your last paragraph. It is a good summary of your argument and it needs to be moved to the beginning of your paper. Use it as a neat outline of what will happen next, and then make sure the rest of the paper supports your thesis. |
| There is no thesis statement here. You are merely summarizing the ideas of the two theorists, rather than providing us with anything new. Where are you in all this? | Most political science papers require you to make an argument, rather than just summarize the course material. You demonstrate a good understanding of Hobbes and Locke, but you need to make a claim that responds to the assignment question. Be bold and direct about your thesis -- don't be afraid to take a stand! |