Handling Invalidation

Hi! I’m agender and I really want to come out to my friends and family, but I feel like they’ll invalidate me and say I’m just shallow by labelling myself (my mom already thinks that the gender spectrum isn’t real and thinks trans* identities are stupid). How did you first come out to people you know, and how did they react?

I’m kind of a weird example, because my coming out was super painless on most fronts. However, I think there’s a reason why it was so easy for me. Me embracing my queerness was a result of me getting more into social justice, queer activism and education, etc, and I’m the kind of person who likes to share what they’re excited about with their friends and family. So before me coming out was even a thing, the people who mattered to me knew that queer issues really mattered to me. We would have debates, I would attempt to educate (though this was like 2-3 years ago and I had no finesse), and above all it would just be something that I talked about a LOT. Obviously not everyone was super receptive to my stances, but they at least respected and recognized that it mattered to me. And those who didn’t weren’t people I kept around me. If people are really, really stubborn stick to the fact that this isn’t about them, it’s about you. It’s really important to you, and you’re telling them about it because they matter to you. Regardless of how they feel about it, this is what seems right to you. If you want to come out, then this is something you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and it’s very courageous of you to want to do this despite your worries. Some people take a lot of time to warm up to new concepts, so unfortunately there’s a lot of patience required for a clean coming out. Stand by the fact that you know this is right for you!

Good luck!