Oprah provides UW prof with double delight
Thanks to Oprah, sociologist has two publishing parties in two weeks
By Joel Schwarz
News & Information
Blame it on Oprah.
She has become such a major force in American publishing by promoting books on her television show that she can even dictate when certain books are published.
That was the case with sociology professor Pepper Schwartz, who finds herself in the curious position of having two books hit bookstores within the span of just two weeks. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. Schwartz wrote two books in 1999, and had contracts with two publishers that specified well-spaced-out publication dates.
Pepper Schwartz holds her two books, published in a two-week span. Photo by Kathy Sauber
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The first book, Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong, was scheduled for an early October publication and is now at booksellers. The second, Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children About Sex and Character, which Schwartz co-authored with parent education specialist Dominic Cappello, had a February 2001 publication date.
Then Oprah stepped into the picture when she heard about Ten Talks. She didn’t want to wait until next year to talk about it on her show. She wanted to do a segment about the book this fall and the publisher, eager to capitalize on the publicity generated by The Oprah Winfrey Show, agreed.
The result is near simultaneous publishing dates for Schwartz’ two books. Schwartz taped an appearance on the television program Wednesday and the show is tentatively scheduled to be broadcast either this afternoon or Friday. Ten Talks will be available in bookstores beginning Monday.
Schwartz certainly isn’t complaining. The two books, after all, appeal to different audiences. Everything You Know zeroes in on 25 myths about love and relationships and tells why they may not be the right advice for everyone.
“These myths are passed from one generation to another. Some are given with the best intentions by people we respect and care about,” said Schwartz. “What happens when we hear something enough times is that we tend to accept it. But these myths, if swallowed whole, could be fatal for some people’s happiness and relationships.”
In this book, Schwartz, the former president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, tackles such myths as:
“These are the kinds of things that are not questioned in our society or we think we know everything because, of course, we are all experts on love and sex,” she said. “I wanted to write this book in a personal voice and not as an academic, although it is fueled by nearly 30 years of research. It is written the same way as if I was sitting across the table and having a latte with a reader.
“It is written to emotionally grab readers about things they care about in a serious way. There is nothing in the book that I don’t believe, although I realize that not everything in it is for everyone.
“One of the main reasons for writing this book is to answer textbooks, which are so vanilla. They gloss over the real-life experiences of people over the human-life cycle. People watch soap operas because they are an exaggeration of real life. I wanted to talk and write about what really happens in relationships. I don’t expect anyone to agree with everything I’ve written, but I hope that some of these ideas will help spare people some real misery in their lives. I’m not offering a prescription, but putting ideas on the table for people to consider.”
Ten Talks is geared to increase communication between parents and their children. Schwartz and Cappello wrote the book to empower parents to share what they believe and expect from their children between the ages of 8 and 15.
“There is relatively little talk about sex in the home except for ‘the talk’ because parents and kids are too embarrassed,” she said. “Parents need to teach their children family rules and values and learn what their children feel and think about these issues.
“The book has 10 talks because you can’t just have one. We provide a skill-building group of exercises to create parent skills in talking and listening that are above the individual talks. People need a structure, otherwise they’d already be doing it. Often parents don’t talk to their kids because they feel they don’t know anything. We teach them how to deal with an eager child and a truculent one.”
The book provides a step-by-step approach for parents to follow, age-appropriate scenarios and guidance in what each talk is designed to accomplish. Each talk also has material covering warning signs about situations that are out of the ordinary, along with help in finding resources and assistance.
“Each of these talks can happen in 10 or 20 minutes,” said Schwartz. “There is data showing that parents talk to their kids less than 18 minutes a day in ways that are instructional or lecturing. Our ambition is to get people into these conversations about sexuality and character in a way that is easy for parents and children. Some of this, of course, depends on the reaction of the child. Many kids will answer in monosyllables. But some kids may sink their teeth into a topic and run away with it, talking for 45 minutes. It would be nice if parents and children had more intimate relationships.”