Encourage him to express his feelings about this situation. Most children are not very good communicators. A typical response to your questions about the situation might be "I dunno." Here are some ways to draw him out.

• Acknowledging responses: convey "Yes, I understand"
     Examples are:
          "I see"
          "really!"
          "oh"
• Door-openers: phrases that convey "I want to hear more".
     Examples are:
          "I'd like to hear more."
          "Do you want to talk?"
• Reflective listening: listening to words and feelings; observing nonverbal cues; paraphrasing (not parroting); verifying your interpretation with the sender.
     Examples are:
          "It sounds scary to walk up to that door."
          "It looks like you're really worried about that."
          "This is really hard."
• Effective questioning: questions that convey the importance of your child's value (this enhances self concept) while gathering information in a non-threatening manner.
     Examples are:
          "How are you feeling about that?"
          "What might happen then?"
          "What other choices are there?"

How to avoid problems in this step:

• Your child may swear or use other irritating behavior to distract you. Ignore this.
• Don't threaten your child.
• Avoid manipulating your child into saying what you want to hear.

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