Rules are necessary for a safe, secure, family environment, but sometimes they don't work as well as we expect. You can not make rules to govern every aspect of family life. Your family needs rules to set limits and expectations, not to program your children like robots. Here are some things to watch out for when using rules:

• The biggest mistake is making too many rules. Your children can't follow rules they can't remember. This is especially true for a newly placed child. Start with two or three of the most important rules and establish those before adding more.
• Inconsistent enforcement will undermine your rules. Letting your children break a rule at first and then applying a strict consequence later is very confusing to your children. This ignores the main purpose of rules: setting predictable limits on your children's behavior.
• Unenforceable rules can lead to power struggles nobody can win.
• Make sure your children have the skill needed to follow the rule. You may have to show them how to use the dishwasher or washing machine more than once before they are comfortable with it. Using utensils may take a while for a child that hasn't learned that skill and practiced it.
• Does the rule refer to behavior your children can control? "Be asleep by 10:00" is not realistic, while "Be in bed by 10:00" is a rule children can follow.
• Make rules that refer to behavior, not feelings or thoughts. For example, "no hitting" instead of "you will love your sister."

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