I would like to submit a piece I wrote in my journal 2 years ago during one of the rougher stretches of my life. I do feel like it relates to the bigger picture, however, so bear with me. Please forgive the edgy and melancholy language, but I suppose it wouldn’t be the work of a millennial without it:
\nAnxiety. Resting somewhere in between a repressed memory and a morbid clairvoyant vision, I waited, bracing myself for the unknown doom this place seemed to be soaked in. I could feel that unnerving wave of sickness wash over me and crash against the windshield as I sat at a gas station in the pouring rain, trying to figure out where I was, despite being on a street that I travel daily. It all looked so alien this time, just like in my dreams.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t remember the last time I\u2019ve actually slept in a bed for a full night. I\u2019m confused and disoriented a lot now.<\/p>\n
I feel more and more hollow everyday, like I am inside my own body, operating this machine that is in desperate need of a mechanic. As I gaze through my own eye-sockets, the world seems further away, populated by judging stares and whispers at my state of disrepair. Such a negligent owner, how could he let it get this bad. It seems that I am an empty vessel tethered loosely to an outcrop on a stormy night. One rogue wave and I could float off into the void, lost forever. I\u2019m scared.<\/p>\n
Fear. It\u2019s a new concept to me. It\u2019s constant. It\u2019s paralyzing. Everything is fading into the distance. I feel old. My vision is getting worse, my motions are slow and deliberate as if I don\u2019t trust my own wiring anymore. Why should I? I shake, I forget things, I experience sudden realizations that I\u2019m taking a shower at 2am\u2026 or fleeting moments where I grasp the concept that I am, in fact, a conscious being. I\u2019m still trying to figure out who I am, why must this crumbling structure, built on a compromised foundation, continue to be tested by these forces of nature? Is it the nature of man to weather these storms? Or, is something entirely unnatural occurring?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve never raised my hand. I\u2019ve never asked questions. I\u2019ve never sought out help. It was never pride that kept me from admitting weakness. It was fear. Fear of being a burden. Fear of being left behind for someone who wasn\u2019t always such a nuisance. Now I fear I have waited too long. It\u2019s too late to ask for directions, its 3am and I can no longer see the shore. I\u2019m lost.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I would like to submit a piece I wrote in my journal 2 years ago during one of the rougher stretches of my life. I do feel like it relates to the bigger picture, however, so bear with me. Please forgive the edgy and melancholy language, but I suppose it wouldn’t be the work of a millennial without it: Anxiety…. Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-295","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psych-resilience","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/295","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=295"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/295\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":296,"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/295\/revisions\/296"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=295"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=295"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/depts.washington.edu\/ps301\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=295"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}