From Greater Attachment comes Greater Independence

With the development of greater attachment comes independence and greater freedom. The awakening notion of inclusion in a group — dependence upon a social network — while maintaining previous attachment support, is part of all autonomous independence striving ( Bardwick, 1974, P. 51). With each acquisition of dependence, a new region of independence is also achieved. In turn, with each new step of independence, freedom is gained for the development of new attachments. New levels of dependence are in the making ( Maier, 1986d). Children’s ability to separate and manage on their own is anchored in the degree of security of their attachments, combined with their acquired capacities to get to, and to do more with people, activities, and things that provoke their curiosity ( Maier, 1978b, pp. 144-151; Segal & Yahraes; 1978; Sroufe, 1978). Consequently, one might say parents neither push nor cajole their children out of the nest — rather, they widen the nest. By allowing social space and encouraging children to expand their interactions on their own, parents support children’s continuing efforts toward new mastery. Throughout life, growth requires that continuous support come from previous attachments, from peers, and from new attachments.

. . . . Recent research strongly indicates that children mature satisfactorily when they are assured a pattern of reliable dependence. It is through this assured dependence that they repeatedly find freedom to grow. Steps toward freedom must be underpinned by a sense of anchorage through dependence. "Have you hugged your kid today?" asks a bumper sticker and TV spot. The same question is embodied in Bronfenbrenner’s poignant conclusion: "Every child needs at least one person who is really crazy about him or her" ( Bronfenbrenner. 1977). Briefly, the issue of dependence and freedom can be summarized in the statement made by a 3-year old to his parent: "Stay here — so I can do it myself!" (Matthew Daniels, Seattle, Washington).

Maier, H. W. (1987) Developmental Group Care of Children and Youth: Concepts and Practice: Child & Youth Services Vol. 9, No. 2. NY: The Haworth Press. pp 127-128