QUOTES from ‘In A Nutshell’ – Henry’s regular column on CYC Net
(www.cyc-net.org)

Why doing is preferential to talking

My columns tend to stress caregivers’ overt behavior with the care receivers rather than talking about or prescribing specifically what is to be done with them. Let me share with you my rationale for stressing a highly engaging care practice.

In being actively involved with the care receivers the worker becomes more personally engaged, thus enhancing the ability for mutual understanding. In fact, in doing things together workers become clearer about their own intent and gain proficiency in their practice.

For instance, when the worker greets the child or youth with a hearty handshake or a warm embrace, instead of the traditional verbal greeting, a stronger personal connection tends to be made. In another illustration of how to make a connection by action, the counselor can elicit participation by initiating or helping. By actually starting to straighten out the child’s bed the counselor is likely be more effective in bringing the child to participate than if she insisted, “This bed must be remade!” In re-making the bed together the two can join in mutual interaction that is positive and relationship building.

Upon subsequent meetings I also recommend that the workers introduce a finger game or some potentially fun interactive activity so both worker and youngster can be engaged, finding mutual enjoyment in just being together.

Moreover, one of the essential capabilities necessary to consider for worker selection is that they have a rich repertoire of fun games, the ability to be spontaneous and engage themselves with the children or youth.

Much fun can be had without worker or residents wondering how their time together can be reduced to a manageable period. Just throw a balloon into the air and try to keep it aloft within the group or bang it to somebody to keep it moving. In preparing a snack together child or youth as well as caregiver can learn much of each other, especially each one’s honest feelings about likes and dislikes. Some of the finest care periods may occur while trying to work out a play or a stunt evening. One might notice that in each instance the activities bring residents and workers genuinely together, becoming mutually engaged without being bureaucratically programmed.

Rather than counting on the delivery of verbal agreements of what ought to be done or for the worker to dictate the nature of their time together, by working together instead the power base of both worker and care receiver has a better chance to be balanced.

Good cheers,

Things to do

From time to time care workers are at loss over what to do with the kids. Unfortunately, some care workers tend to fall back on cleaning activities as if sweeping or mopping would provide wholesome time spent.

What about fun as the center of care work? But what? I suggest workers try to fall back on things they liked to do when they were the same age. The youngsters most likely would be attentive to stories or books the worker recalls from his or her earlier days. Any story told or read can provide stimulus for acting it out or making up fantasy sequences.

In fact, an evening for stunts, charades, or shadow plays can provide rich mutual entertainment. The youngsters might imitate a TV production as a program of their own, for instance, a Jeopardy program or a take-off on Batman. Paper bag dramatics can also provide much fun. Three to six youngsters form a dramatic team. They get a paper bag with odd items (such as a band-aid, an onion, a peanut, leftover spaghetti, or other strange things). The kids will have to produce a pay in which they must make use of every item it, the bag. When the youngsters have caught on and gained much pleasure from production, they might try to put on a soap opera and then, on subsequent evenings, produce a sequel to it, so one show can easily become the prototype for subsequent ones. Most important, the youngsters and staff join in together to have fun. Staff members of the agency might, from to time to time, be invited as participants. Dramatic events give the youngsters a chance to come through successfully. Give leeway to their imaginations.

Another form of fun might be to have the kids produce their own games, by taking a stretch of white shelf paper and designing a table dice game like "Chutes and Ladders". The youngsters could make up what happens at critical points of the game and the consequences to be encountered.

Another joint activity would be having a few youngsters set up a treasure hunt with one clue leading to the next one, and of course at the end, as a treasure, something to eat! A scavenger hunt would be another alternative or a banquet evening where everybody would be involved in making some fancy goodies for them to indulge in.

In my own experience the activities do not have to be sophisticated or parlor appropriate. The adaptation of an early childhood activity such as hide-and-seek, tag, statues, prisoner base, or finding hidden objects can produce lots of involvement.

But please, do not use these times of spontaneous fun in order to demonstrate good behavior and learning outcomes.

Writing these lines makes me long to be a care worker again in order to play and have fun.

Cheers!

Time Out / Time In

This month I would like to share my concern about the use of "time-out." Serious conflicts arise frequently between the child and peers or between the worker and youngster in his or her charge. Formerly, it was considered a cause/effect "therapeutic" technique to isolate the child when his or her behavior was really out of control or unacceptable.

Presently I find it most discouraging, in fact frightening, to note that in so many corners of the care fields time-out is regularly used. It is assumed that the caregiver may feel at a loss as to how to proceed and that time-out creates an opportunity for the worker to distance him or herself and the child.

But we have learned since that meeting the conflict directly by the worker provides an immediate opportunity to help work out differences. In fact, a time-out correction might duplicate earlier experiences in which the child has felt that he or she was not wanted, while the caregiver appears to signify that he or she does not have sufficient empathy for the child's situation. Asking a youngster to be away from the worker and removed from the group serves only to intensify previous feelings of rejection.

In place of time-out what the care receiver needs is time-in with the caregivers so they can work out their differences. It would be an opportunity for the worker to admit that he or she is momentarily at a loss for how to proceed. At this point it is more important than ever that they work together to get through the differences at hand.

An illustration might be in place. In a bedroom for five youngsters as they prepare to go to bed one nine-year-old child becomes too hyper, jumping from bed to bed, making it impossible to have a congenial going-to-bed period. In such an instance, the worker can remove himself with the bed-jumping youngster and explore with him what made him so agitated and what could make him prepared to settle down. A cooling-off might be achieved by a short interlude of tossing a ball or Frisbee to each other. In this intimate exchange between worker and child, both would have maintained their power positions.

The major issue is not to shun the child; rather it is to acknowledge that there's a need for an intimate time, in which both can begin to learn skills for potential understanding and possible compromise. Time-in begins to achieve this end.

If readers differ with my contentions I shall be glad to learn of their perspectives.

Fond greetings,

In new encounters

In new encounters, persons are judged for their totality and their specific variation from others. They are initially noted for their personal qualities rather than their role performance. A care worker needs to invest energy to make the clients experience that attention is directed to them. Additionally, if the recipient feels titillated by this encounter with the care worker, so much the better!

This kind of interchange is facilitated by meeting the other person with a statement rather than a question. For example, in place of "What is your name?", it is decidedly more connecting to state: "My name is --; I wonder what I shall call you!" Most important, workers need to be interesting for their appearance and for things readily available in their pockets for play or other form of potential interactions. Care workers have to come across as persons rather than as agents of a program.

Establishing meaningful contacts requires energy-laden outreach as well as time and space for the persons who await connections. It is essential that time is allowed to incorporate the interactive experience step-by-step. This means repeated pauses in verbal input, in the exchange of eye contacts, and in the nature of physical and spatial approachment.

From ‘In a Nutshell’ - a regular column by Henry on CYC-Net (www.cyc-net.org)