I went to India full of expectations. A big part of me believed that I would return with an understanding of myself and of the world. But being abroad was confusing.
I questioned human intention after attempting to meditate in an ashram—fleeing the mountain temple more fearful than when I arrived. The grey garbage flooding the streets deeply disturbed me. A sleezy tour guide lured our group to visit abused elephants, inducing overwhelming feelings of guilt. The world just seemed wrong.
Without a doubt, I fell in love with India, but I am also more confused about the world than ever. I am still full of questions that I will never answer. I make the wrong choices and say hurtful things. I am still challenged to find my calm, my pauses, my “no, you go first”‘s. I think we all are, really. And that’s okay. We’re learning.