1/22/16
For years, my mom has tried to make meditation a habit in my life. I’ve tried it a number of times, and each time I’m just as frustrated as the time before. People say you learn how to meditate and it takes practice, so it’s possible that I just haven’t practiced enough. I think I’ve found that the attempt to meditate is more stressful than helpful. Quieting my mind and thoughts is a major challenge for me. My personal contemplative practice, outside of class, has more to do with gaging how I feel. I’ve dealt with anxiety throughout my life (mostly starting in my high school years) and the ability to really assess how I feel has been a process – getting my thoughts straight is sometimes impossible. It’s important to me, and helpful, to know how I’m feeling. I’ve come to be able to do these “mental check-ins” with myself a few times a day. I find myself doing them on my commute to school, sometimes in the middle of class, and at night when I reflect upon the day. It’s become a more natural, non-forced practice.
I like being able to do these check-ins because even though it’s not about quieting my mind, it’s still very introspective. Doing it multiple times a day also allows me to shift the way I feel because it’s rarely consistent throughout the day. These check-ins are not just mental, but physical too. Often my body is tense or my stomach feels anxious without me being aware of it, but I think it’s important to be conscious of it. For me, it’s not only helpful to know how I feel but also understanding why I feel the way I do, so asking the “why” question is necessary too.