No Longer Invisible: Asher Jay Arce

No Longer Invisible: Asher Jay Arce

May 29, 2021

This personal submission is a part of the “No Longer Invisible: In Their Own Words” project, a means of expression for UW students, staff, faculty, and alumni alike of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities to use their own words in voicing their stories and lived experiences.

Identity

I am the proud son of a Filipino immigrant mother, who worked diligently and selflessly to provide for her family. My identity as a Filipino-American immigrant and a First-Generation student reverberates to my struggles and experiences. I realized that becoming the first person in my family to graduate from college and getting a Master’s Degree is a significant accomplishment and it has boosted my self-confidence in unexpected ways.

Education is empowering and one of the most beautiful processes a person can go through. Sometimes, it can be difficult to believe that one belongs in academia, but other First-Generation students’ support has helped alleviate the internal pressure to succeed. It was the best way to construct my support group by reaching out to people who also identified as a First-Generation and asking them to connect with me to support one another.

My Dreams & Hopes

To me, resilience means that you can overcome any obstacle in your way, no matter how difficult it may seem. It’s a characteristic that one develops over time, and it is an uncanny ability to adapt well to trauma, adversity, and tragedy. Your tough times allow you to learn, grow, and become the best version of yourself.

My connection with public health disparities arose as a First-Generation immigrant college graduate who had encountered personal adversities, which influenced my educational journey’s trajectory. I hope to translate my professional and academic experiences into action by addressing health disparities, developing preventive programs for underserved populations, and designing services to help eliminate poor health outcomes. I want to take part in deciding how we as a society provide the best quality of care for our marginalized and vulnerable populations.

Challenges & Courage

In the fall of my Junior year at UW, I was devastated to find out my mom had stage 4 colon cancer. My mother’s cancer battle and death have been my greatest motivation towards advocating and promoting the public good. In my healing process, I asked myself how race, socioeconomic status, and language affect health insurance coverage. How do the vulnerable population access quality healthcare? What are the gaps in our health system? Her fight has been my guiding path to improving healthcare among vulnerable communities.

Growing up, I vividly remember my mom going to work rather than taking care of her health. She made the sacrifice to pay off the house and provide food for us rather than get health insurance. Meanwhile, I attended school full time and worked a part-time job. My family was living the health disparities and social determinants of health I was studying in school. On top of this, I built my professional experience with Global to Local, an organization working with diverse communities in Seattle developing programs and interventions to improve health.

Balancing this was a real challenge, but what got me through it was my mother’s example. My mom continues to be my motivator and she told me to “Do whatever you can to be successful” before her passing. Furthering my education is one of my lasting gifts to her. My mother and her journey with cancer have taught me to experience everything that I can. It shaped my entire college experience, my everyday life, and my plans for the future.

Culture of Care

For me, moving forward is very different from moving on. It’s about holding onto the memories…even the painful ones. My family and I are aware of how we have been shaped by what we have lived through. My friends and family have helped me remember that grief is this multitasking emotion; you can/will be sad and happy. I have not “moved on” from grief but I have learned to move forward with it. And consciously moving forward, to me, is choosing to live.

I slowly learned how to seek help and how to cope from having talked about my own mental health and mental illness experiences. I believe that mental health is a crucial part of overall health. Yet, it is often a hushed topic of discussion in my family and the Asian/Filipino Community — if it’s even discussed at all. It’s primarily due to the stigma that has long surrounded mental illnesses. This stigma has even prevented some of my friends and family members from seeking treatment, isolating them even more and worsening their conditions.

Most people talk about self-care as if it’s a thing you do every once in a while—like taking a mental health day a couple of times a year and just relaxing out in front of the tv or remembering to schedule a massage for yourself now and then. To me, self-care is about consistent habits, not quick fixes. Self-care will always look a little different for everyone because we’re all as unique as our lives and circumstances. There’s no set formula for self-care but for me, it’s spending time with my family and friends and having time for high-quality social interactions with the people in my life that I enjoy the most.

Life is full of its ups and downs. One day, you may feel like you have it all figured out. Then, at a moment’s notice, you’ve been thrown a curveball. You’re not alone in these feelings. Everyone has to face their own set of challenges. My first bit of advice is to make a plan; while you don’t know what will happen in the future, you can always plan ahead. Look at the patterns in your life, see what challenges you’ve struggled with, assess the optimal outcomes, and plan how you can achieve them. Second, know you’re not alone; every person in this world has their low points. Some may handle or even hide it better than others. But the truth is, whatever you are going through, others have been through it too. You’re not alone. Try to reach out to your community and network. Speak your feelings and express your concerns in all settings of your life. Lastly, ask for help; there’s no need to feel ashamed for asking for help. Whether you choose to rely on a loved one, a stranger, a mentor, or a friend, there are people who want to help you succeed.

No Longer Invisible: Christina Vuong

No Longer Invisible: Christina Vuong

May 29, 2021

This personal submission is a part of the “No Longer Invisible: In Their Own Words” project, a means of expression for UW students, staff, faculty, and alumni alike of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities to use their own words in voicing their stories and lived experiences.

Identity

With my lived experiences being an Asian woman, my family puts pressure on me to be just as “successful” as the other people in my family, but they also like to remind that I can’t do much because I’m a woman. It can be difficult at times with all of the noise but I’m learning to focus on what I want, and not listening to what others have to say.

My Dreams & Hopes

Resilience to me means being persistent and picking yourself back up if you fall or fail. It’s ok to keep trying over and over again until you reach your goal, but it’s also okay to change directions and have a new goal. Seeing people I love working hard towards their goals and doing amazing things inspire me. I would like to help others achieve their dreams and I hope to be the person that other people will want to go to when they need help.

Challenges & Courage

My first year at UW was a difficult time for me to make friends. I was a transfer student living off campus and it felt lonely being here. What helped me through it was talking to my advisor and volunteering. My advice for anyone who is going through a similar challenge is to use your resources on campus. I know it can be difficult to get the motivation to go ask for help, but it can be extremely helpful if at least one person knows your struggle.

Culture of Care

Mental health is important to talk to your friends and family about because it’ll open the topic for anyone else to share what they are going through. My friends and I are good at communicating with each other. We are able to bring up important topics in a healthy way. Understanding and communicating with each other can make relationships stronger. And you’ll feel relieved having someone hear what you’re going through, instead of bottling it all up. I’m still working on that with my family because it’s difficult for them to understand mental health and how it can impact people.

No Longer Invisible: Christina Nhan

No Longer Invisible: Christina Nhan

May 22, 2020

This personal submission is a part of the “No Longer Invisible: In Their Own Words” project, a means of expression for UW students, staff, faculty, and alumni alike of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities to use their own words in voicing their stories and lived experiences.

Getting to Know Me

I value my love of learning – learning about myself, learning about others, and getting to know more of the wonderful lessons that experiences in life have to offer. This also goes hand in hand with my value of self-reflection, because I am able to learn so much from reflecting back on my experiences/emotions/thoughts which helps me to also have a better understanding of myself. I’m grateful for my positive outlook on life because it’s what helps me get back up on my feet every time I fall. I want to share the eye-opening lessons that I’ve accumulated/am accumulating to help make a difference in other’s lives just like it has helped me to make a difference in mine.

I feel strong when I am vulnerable because that is when I’m the most compassionate towards myself and it’s also when I’m truly embracing my emotions and even expressing it to other people; from one heart to another. I hope for more hope and love within myself, because I am a strong believer in fueling oneself with love first before one can share that to the world.

Identity

I feel like people can better see/hear/understand others, when they start to first accept themselves. Specifically, I had to learn to accept and acknowledge my own hardships/obstacles, insecurities, and ‘weaknesses’ before I can embrace them from another. When I started accepting more of myself and who I am, I found that I reacted less and instead responded more because I was more sure of who I am and that allowed me to work together with myself instead of against myself. I find that it’s harder to comprehend and truly listen to others when I’m constantly fighting and feeling like I have to defend myself. I found that my journey to growth started from the first couple steps of acceptance, since we can’t work on something that we choose not to acknowledge.

I struggled a lot with understanding what mental health meant for myself and I think the hardest part was when I was helping a loved one deal with their own mental struggles. I felt confused and lost, I didn’t want them to hurt and suffer anymore than they already have but I didn’t know how to handle everything. I knew that mental healing took a lot of time, practice, and patience to heal, but realizing that they’ve actually been silently suffering for almost half of their lifetime just broke my heart even more. I tried to be stronger, stronger not just for them but also for the rest of my family. I got so used to masking my emotions with “everything will be okay”, that I forgot how it actually felt to be okay. This experience was extremely eye-opening and it brought my family closer as we learned about mental health together, which is actually a very big deal for us since as a Asian household mental and emotional struggles are topics that usually don’t get talked about.

I first discovered mental health when I was struggling academically, and being so used to handling everything on my own it really took a lot to open up (especially to my loved ones). The breakdowns I had are what led me to my breakthrough, helping me become more aware of mental health so that I can dig deeper into my own. This journey helped me build many connections with others who were also struggling and we shared many resources that helped each other’s journey.

My Dreams & Hopes

I simply ask for trust and patience. Trust because many mistakes with occur along the way, but trust that I will be able to get through it and get even stronger. Patience because it’s going to be a long journey, but I’ll make the best of it.

Challenges & Courage

Things may be very tough right now, but ultimately these challenges are going to help shape you into an even stronger version of yourself. Patience and compassion will be your best friend, because it sure became mine. No matter the challenge, you will be able to get through it because you can.

I’ve been blessed with a very decent upbringing and a very loving family, but a lot of my biggest challenges stemmed from within me (emotionally/mentally). Growing up I was always so scared, so scared of hurting other’s feelings that I hadn’t realized I was hurting my own in the process. For so long I lived for others, trying so hard to live up to expectations that were set for me, and while I was so scared of the failure, disappointment and judgements from others, I didn’t realize that I was disappointing and failing myself. This is something that I am still working on but I feel really proud of where I am now and from my experiences I learned that I had to first give myself what I needed before I gave other’s theirs. As ironic as it sounds, I really got to know me and more of who I actually am from that experience. It helped me to cultivate love, compassion, and respect for myself and they’re the lessons that I needed moving forward so that I can pick myself back up to live more true to myself.

Culture of Care

My culture tends to not really speak upon mental health and because of that it’s harder for us to understand what it actually is, how and why. I think a lot of it comes from pride and fear of vulnerability so we try to protect ourselves by wearing a suit of armor that protects our struggles from the judgement and critiques of others. Vulnerability also tends to be seen as a weakness and we don’t like to be seen as weak, but it’s time we realize that vulnerability is actually the courage/bravery to challenge ourselves. I would like to see vulnerability being seen and accepted as a courageous act rather than a display of weakness, because I feel like by being more accepting towards each other’s vulnerabilities we can be more open towards mental health issues which will ultimately help us to support each other’s journey to healthier mental health practices.

I hope that one day mental health awareness and vulnerability can be something that we’re not only proud of but we encourage as well, because to really spark inspiration and creativity to make a change we first have to dare ourselves to be vulnerable enough to take such a step. By embracing mental health, we can learn to be supportive of each other and each other’s growth and that is a crucial factor for building and maintaining a community.

I feel supported when attending or when working on AAPI events because they provide a space for me to connect with others and also with my own culture. I also feel really supported when I get a space to share my struggles and obstacles with those from my culture and community.

Impacts & Contributions

My turning point occurred when I became sick and tired of allowing people to walk all over me and so fed up with shying away from standing up for myself. At first, it was a shocker not only to myself but also for those around me, but in that moment my need to break free broke me from the repression that had held me down for so long. From then on, I promised myself that I was going to stop protecting other people’s egos and instead start protecting my own opinions and ideas. This sounds really intense and it definitely was, but it is also necessary so that I can finally start teaching myself the value, respect and love that I deserve.

I want to start living more for myself, which means more confident and more sure of who I am. Success looks like living my life to the fullest extent; happy, healthy, and aligned with my values. Thus, I am going to explore more of my identity and I plan to continue healing the parts of me that still need tending to. Ultimately, I want to cultivate so much self-love and gratitude that one day I can share that love to others (whether they’re near or far), so that I can help them cultivate this gift for their own.

I’m hoping for a lot of things in my journey. I want to be more involved in my school, especially with more extracurricular activities and meet more people! I want to join projects and events that help build more awareness and community within the AAPI community. There are so many new things that I’m excited to try and I want to expose myself to as many new experiences as I can so that I can challenge myself and grow past the expectations for my potential. Most importantly, I will be dedicating a big part of my time to healing, my mental health/resilience, and to cultivating more love and compassion for myself by meeting the goals that help me live more aligned with my values.

No Longer Invisible: Kitnoi Phomma

No Longer Invisible: Kitnoi Phomma

May 22, 2020

This personal submission is a part of the “No Longer Invisible: In Their Own Words” project, a means of expression for UW students, staff, faculty, and alumni alike of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities to use their own words in voicing their stories and lived experiences.

See bottom of page to read Kitnoi’s written poem

Getting to Know Me

My whole life has been its own experience with struggles as well as rewards. I value how I’m resilient to the barriers that I’ve had to endure. I continued to push through with school, work and my social life while working through my PTSD, depression and anxiety. I also value how I come in with open arms to anyone who chooses to enter my life. I value these things about myself because it makes me who I am.

I hope for an easier way to talk about issues like mental health and the things that may go along with that. As someone who’s dealt with mental health/illness since I was about 5, I tend to have a feeling when I see someone hurting because it reflects the moments where I also felt alone. I want to be able to support others as much as I can because it’s not easy to go through it alone without support, the lack of information on coping mechanisms, and the diverse mental health stigmas in cultures.

Identity

I feel people can better see, hear, and understand me for who I am with communication and patience. These things are important virtues for me because for a long time I didn’t know how to be seen or heard. I’m a very understanding person who goes above and beyond for the people I care about.The only thing I’d ever ask is to be a listening ear. I want to be seen as this amazing person who will, no matter what obstacles come in my way, continue to speak my mind and hustle through it.

I have been struggling with my mental health since I was five. I’ve been through sexual assault on multiple accounts and rape. At such a young age it caused me to have PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I’ve been seeing a therapist since middle school. In the Asian community, this is not at all something we talk about nor is it something to be proud of. I truly felt guilty, like I must’ve done something so terrible to endure these instances. It’s not easy trying to balance all the activities I’ve done in my life, life itself, and also go through my own mental health. After so many years, winter quarter helped me understand who I was as a person as well as a student. My grades dropped due to working so much and I got very sick as well as in a depressive stage. It caused me to feel as if I’m at my lowest, but I’ve picked myself back up on step at a time.

My Dreams & Hopes

As a person, I ask for support but with space. I plan to travel to venture what life has to offer and gain knowledge in the healthcare system so I no longer have to watch the people back in Thai and Lao fall ill to diseases and infections that are treatable!

Challenges & Courage

The biggest challenges I’ve faced and currently still do is my mental health.Something that inspires me everyday is being able to wake up in the morning knowing it’s a new day – and the reminder that I’m destined for great things! The things I’ve learned is that in order to heal, you need to find your pain and turn that into something healthy. For example self love/care, going to exercise, writing, singing, and anything your heart desires. At times of uncertainty, I go to my younger brother who is like a son to me, my mentors, and as well as my therapist.

Culture of Care

I’d like to be more involved to help other students push through their life and their mental health. Growing up I know that the women in my family have always pushed through stigmas, divorces, rape, assault, but didn’t know how to express or talk about their feelings. I see that everyone tends to just ignore it and push it away trying to forget about these hard conversations about mental health. The dreams I have for my culture is to be more well known. Growing up in America means I wasn’t able to be able to learn my language as much as I wished and haven’t explored every place from the motherland. I hope to learn about my history as well as find my middle ground.

Impacts & Contributions

I’d like to be more involved to help other students push through their life and their mental health. Growing up I know that the women in my family have always pushed through stigmas, divorces, rape, assault, but didn’t know how to express or talk about their feelings. I see that everyone tends to just ignore it and push it away trying to forget about these hard conversations about mental health. The dreams I have for my culture is to be more well known. Growing up in America means I wasn’t able to be able to learn my language as much as I wished and haven’t explored every place from the motherland. I hope to learn about my history as well as find my middle ground.

Why does it feel like my broken heart continues to shatter like the memories weren’t enough. Not enough, to where it’s constantly clouding my mind. My mind who I’d just want to have for mine. A mind where I can truly be happy. 

Happy to the point where I can stop expecting the worse but instead hope for the best. 

I want to be loved. Loved enough to smile, loved enough to be able to speak and feel like my feelings are validated, loved enough to be free & supported. Free to be me and try to the fullest. 

Free to be me. I am me. Me is someone who is strong, independent, loving, fearful, adventurous, understanding and loveable. I am smart, appreciated, dedicated to my dreams and motivated by the future. I am a daughter, student, sister & niece. I am someone who pushes to do better & wont stop till I achieve that. 

But why? Why do these demons linger? Why do they come to bring me down? Why does it turn me into someone I don’t know? A completed stranger in my own mind? 

I am just me. I am not worthless, clingy, annoying, too serious, or guilty. I am not a disappointment, nor am I someone’s bad karma. I am me & I am loved by me.

 – Kitnoi Phomma

No Longer Invisible: Brandon Hadi

No Longer Invisible: Brandon Hadi

May 22, 2020

This personal submission is a part of the “No Longer Invisible: In Their Own Words” project, a means of expression for UW students, staff, faculty, and alumni alike of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities to use their own words in voicing their stories and lived experiences.

Getting to Know Me

I value the fire I have burning within me; at times, it can be all consuming and lead to me burning out, but when kindled and cared for with intention, it allows me to relentlessly pursue my passions and ambitions. I’m amazed, at times, by this fire, for I know that it allows me to achieve and is the reason I’ve been able to accomplish some of the things I’ve set out to do. I’m also deeply grateful for it, because I know that in the circle of life, there will be a time when that fire burns less hot, less bright, and by that time, I want to have accomplished and seen a few more things.

I want to live in a world where we’re no longer fearful of being all of who we are while also feeling supported by each other to strive to be even greater, deeper, more authentic. This requires a world that is more loving and more forgiving, a world where patience and tolerance are more abundant than ego, scarcity, or greed. I see myself doing this most often in my relationships, opening up space for others to be themselves and more. The advocacy I do through my work also helps to support this, so my life is dedicated to doing this work in various ways.

Identity

I’ve received so much support from my parents, family, friends, and many many mentors over the years who’ve believed in me and guided me along my journey. This support has allowed me to reach higher than I imagined and accomplish a great deal. Growing up with a fragile sense of self-esteem due to body image issues (I was a small, somewhat frail boy for much of my childhood and adolescence which conflicted with traditional “masculinity”), I remember my childhood often including feelings of unworthiness and deep insecurity. To make up for my lack of muscle, I sought recognition through academics, where I persevered and eventually excelled.

Today, I still seek recognition through my work – though this is much less prominent than in the past, and I have been working on “unlearning”/rewiring this for a few years now, I still seem to live for others’ expectations of me while decentering the expectations and goals I have for myself. Ultimately, this leads to a feeling of living for others at the expense of oneself, martyrdom, and it often leads to feeling burnt out, which can sometimes lead me to fantasizing about working in creative fields or leaving everything behind to pursue monkhood. The goal is to find balance, and a regular journalling session, connecting deeply with loved ones, or various forms of physical exercise really help me come back to myself. It’s a long, winding journey to unlearn, and a continual practice to center oneself.

My Dreams & Hopes

Already, I know this sounds spoiled, but when you are given things without asking – when parents give you advice, guidance, gifts, food, etc. – you learn to like the things that you receive. Over time, you aren’t necessarily sure if you like things because you’ve learned to like them, because you want to please others, or if in fact you really do like them. This uncertainty about one’s desires makes it difficult to know how to handle stressful situations when alone; how do I navigate a novel obstacle without the unsolicited guidance or advice from others? It can be debilitating at times. I’ve learned, after realizing that others can’t help me unless I can tell them what I need, that I need to experiment (and not be afraid of the outcomes of experimenting) to learn more about myself.

From a greater understanding of self, I can better ask others to support me, and I can then actually feel support rather than silently resenting them for not giving me what I need (even though they have no possible way of knowing what I need unless I tell them). I’m still very much working on this, because it takes time to experiment with choices – it’s harder than sticking to old habits.

Challenges & Courage

Your experience is unique, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t relatable. Chances are that whatever you’re going through, there is somebody who can listen to your story and relate to it. If you can see beyond your own pain to realize that perhaps others have shared similar painful experiences, talk with them, those feelings of isolation and fixation on the self can slowly fade away. When those fade away, you’ve already taken the first step to healing and moving on, which is opening yourself up to the possibility that there is more to life than what you are currently experiencing. What you are experiencing is temporary – there will be better days to come, but only if you actually believe that yourself.

Culture of Care

When I was a senior in college, I thought I had my whole life figured out. I was pre-med, about to take the MCATs and apply for med school – it was a plan I had followed since I was five or six years old. But when my best friend died of suicide, I was rocked to my core, fueled by intense feelings of guilt and regret. I questioned everything about my life and the choices I made.

I also wondered why there was such stigma and shame about mental health, and why my best friend couldn’t share with me what he was experiencing. I decided that I wanted to better understand mental health, so I could be better equipped to support my loved ones at any given time. To explore this, I had to put my med school dreams on hold, and I dove headfirst into the world of mental health advocacy and suicide prevention.

Impacts & Contributions

Now, I’m on a completely different career trajectory, but I feel more empowered as a person and as a professional, because this has allowed me to see the world in a fuller, more complete way. I’m also now equipped to support others in the way that I wish I was when my friend was still around. This is all to say that we all experience deeply transformative moments, which, if we open ourselves to, can redirect us to where we’re supposed to be. I truly believe that. But because change is hard, scary, and unfamiliar, it’s much easier to keep doing what we’re already doing. There’s no shame or nothing wrong with that, but those may be moments that one later reflects on and regrets not being open to. I’m so glad I listened to my heart and followed it.

No Longer Invisible: Vince

No Longer Invisible: Vince

May 22, 2020

This personal submission is a part of the “No Longer Invisible: In Their Own Words” project, a means of expression for UW students, staff, faculty, and alumni alike of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities to use their own words in voicing their stories and lived experiences.

Getting to Know Me

I feel strong when I feel validated by the things I do. I value my ability to see the good in everything, even from difficult experiences. I believe we went through our hardships for a reason – so we can learn from it and help others who are struggling from the same misfortunes. I want to imprint in people around me to stay strong, be firm, and to have resolved in the face of uncertainty. 

I value my motivation and positivity. With these two traits, I can smoothly bounce back from downfalls, continuing to strive for my dreams. I hope for more affirmations in my life because it’s important to feel like I belong here and I’m not alone so I have the confidence to accomplish anything.

Identity

I’m the type of person that finds sparks of joy in every small thing in life. I want people to simply see me for who I am. I don’t need people to see me in a rose-tinted lens. I just need them to be honest and speak to me with an open mind. I don’t need for everything I said to be agreed on or supported upon. I don’t need to feel like I’m always right and perfect – it feels dishonest. I think it’s important to have someone who just listens, and sometimes that’s the most I can ask for. It’s always important to feel that you’re not alone. Sometimes, I want advice and support, and that’s much appreciated. But if there’s no advice to give, a simple and caring act of listening does the job to make me feel like I’m not alone.

My Dreams & Hopes

I ask others to best support me as a person by really listening to all aspirations, concerns, doubts, achievements, and to be honest with what’s on your mind. Sometimes it isn’t just about blind support; it feels more real with critiques and encouragements. 

Challenges & Courage

Every positive affirmation in my life inspires me to keep fighting for what I want. Every challenge I’ve faced made me stronger and smarter. It feels so devastating after experiencing a challenge. But I’ve learned to think of all of the accomplishments I had and it totally outweighs the negatives. 

In face of difficult situations, stay true to yourself, be polite, and be firm because all you can do is be the bigger person and put your best self forward. It may feel like you’re experiencing your own personal circle of hell – you’re not alone! It’s important to look toward the horizon. Focus on the important people in your lives and how much they care and believe in you. Your future is unlimited.

Culture of Care

I don’t want to pressure the whole Asian American & Pacific Islander community to do anything they’re not comfortable with. I feel like my generation (children of immigrants) understand the expectations our parents want, the stereotypes of society, and the nuances in our struggles. So, I think first generation AAPI college students understand each other well and so they can establish a camaraderie among the AAPI community. Individually, I urge each person in the AAPI community to find support- it could be your super nice & caring friend to speak out your troubles with them and release negative feelings.

Impacts & Contributions

Success is when I feel untethered from doing the things I enjoy. My goal is to continue experiencing new things that sparks my interest. I envision my future self to have more time for self-care. I’d like to assume everything would be perfect in the future. But I know I’ll have to start working on it from now so that my future self would thank my present self. 

No Longer Invisible: Han Edward So Eckelberg

No Longer Invisible: Han Edward So Eckelberg

May 22, 2020

This personal submission is a part of the “No Longer Invisible: In Their Own Words” project, a means of expression for UW students, staff, faculty, and alumni alike of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities to use their own words in voicing their stories and lived experiences.

Getting to Know Me

My respect and integrity because I feel we should always respect one another. Respect is a universal value that is understood by others intuitively, but integrity is deterministic of one’s capacity to deliver and receive respect. I want to impact others to feel confident in themselves, feel safe and supported, and to have people around me smile often. my friendliness, enthusiasm, and calmness. My friendliness allows me to be receptive and to get along with many people. I feel like enthusiasm is contagious, or at least it is best to always keep motivated and positive. Staying calm allows me to assess situations, and to not get overwhelmed. I feel strong when I do something for my community because my community has done a lot for me, has given me strength. I hope for young artists in South Seattle community can keep producing art and elevating our neighborhood, because we advance together.

Identity

I will say moments of “artistic expression,” such as painting, photography, videography, dance, and even sports (to name a few), are the best ways to learn about one another. And ourselves. We can express ourselves beyond words and allow actions to speak through a variety of mediums is one way of grasping identity. If we try to showcase our “true selves,” there will always be varying interpretations of our actions. There are many people who are hegemonized, believing in this twisted dream that America has painted to pin ourselves against one another, against our own identity. For myself, I cannot allow others expectations and perception of me, stop, or bring down my “artistic expression,” the actions I can control. People will see what they want to see, and I can only hope that those who support and follow me understand, maybe not my true self, but can relate to my explicit actions.

A few of my friends, classmates, and family members are bipolar, have depression, as well as had panic and anxiety attacks. For nearly my entire life, I grew up and took care of my Popo (grandma in Chinese) who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s since I was very young. Family members and friends, who she could barely recognize or had forgotten who they were, cannot understand the amount of hardships we had to overcome to keep her safe and well. Even though she may have forgotten a few people, she always knew who took care of her – myself and my sister, as well as my mom and my dad.

One of my relatives last year was going through an extremely difficult time in his workplace. The accumulation of harassment and stress and defending himself over the course of 2 years soon caught up to him, following sleep deprivation and depression in less than a month. I had to physically restrain him, him fighting me for his life, for his desire to possibly jump out the car, throughout the entire car ride. Thankfully, we got him back to receive the care he much deserved. My relative has since quit that job and is doing tremendously better now. I will never forget that moment, and how bad people and environments can have a massive toll on ones mental fortitude.

My Dreams & Hopes

I would really like others to support my art skills and craft. I really want to have people contribute their vision and input on collaborative art projects, make me feel what I am doing is inspirational and be happy that I am pursuing my passions.

Challenges & Courage

If someone really does feel defeated and stressed, my advice would be that it is okay to feel tired, know that their feelings are justified, to carry on and keep pushing yourself. One of my earliest and most memorable moments of inspiration came when I saw my former little league coach at a store with my dad. He placed his hand on my shoulder and told me “Han, whatever God gave you, don’t waste it.” I’m not really religious, but I found the way he said it, and how he said it, made me feel calm, like he genuinely wanted me to progress as an individual. Something I still think back to.

Culture of Care

Members in my culture and community tell me they “are proud of me.” That goes a long way in boosting my overall mental vitality. I have seen youth outreach programs on developing better relationships with people such as ACRS Get Real Program. Other programs that allow middle and high schoolers to develop skills in arts and sports. I have seen signs for mental health care in various languages, #Dontdisplacethesouthend, and numerous murals around the neighborhood.

I hope for both my culture and community we get representation in media. More representation in the media with APIAs in more complex roles, instead of the occupational and token roles. Seeing ONLY these images (perpetual foreigner, martial artist, 7-11 owner, model minority student, adoptee, restaurant worker, laborer) is destructive, not allowing us to “see ourselves,” let alone “play ourselves,” but instead playing how “others” perceive and essentialize us. If we want to improve our mental health, we need to look at the climate that influences our mentality.

Impacts & Contributions

I am giving other people too much power in determining what I should do. If I want to keep making art, then I should just do that. Everything else will follow. Maybe it will take time, but things that are worth obtaining should take time. I would like to keep working in media, either going to LA, NY, or overseas, or bring it here in Seattle. Wherever it takes me, I’ll make sure to give it my “100% and plus ultra.” Up next on my journey is learning maybe Muy Thai, Brazilian Jujitsu, maybe get an internship somewhere, find a job related to communications and media, probably make more videos and posters. Success looks like my mom, dad, and sister smiling. It also looks like acknowledgement and respect from my peers in the community and culture.

No Longer Invisible: Fa’amanuia Fa’alava’au

No Longer Invisible: Fa’amanuia Fa’alava’au

May 5, 2020

This personal submission is a part of the “No Longer Invisible: In Their Own Words” project, a means of expression for UW students, staff, faculty, and alumni alike of the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities to use their own words in voicing their stories and lived experiences.

Getting to Know Me

I value my lived experiences because they have made me who I am today. I value what I have learned from each instance and the growth that has come from them – the highs, the lows, and everything in between. I value the people that I have around me and in my life because without their support, love, and relationships, I wouldn’t be half of the person I am today and am continually trying to grow towards being in the future. I value who I am and everyday is a learning curve to continue to remind myself to do so because I’m not like anyone else and that there is my strength, just as the same can be said for everyone!

Identity

I haven’t always been open about my personal experiences with mental health and have had a lot of trouble in learning to accept my experiences for what they are, as well as accepting myself. I have put in a lot of work to get where I am today but that doesn’t mean that I’m anywhere near done because it will be a lifetime of ups and downs. I’m constantly putting in work towards accepting and appreciating everything about me so that I can do so regardless of whether I’m seen, heard, and/or understood for who I am by others, though I would hope to not endure being overlooked and invisible anymore. It means everything for me to be seen and heard for who I truly am and for how I want to be because I’m able to be myself and not only be recognized for who I really am, but feel supported and empowered in my truth by that too.

My Dreams & Hopes

I ask of others to best support me as a person by being patient with me because for me, with patience comes the opportunity to feel understood. Having patience from someone else allows me to find the ability to find the same for myself which is why I feel supported by such. Having an ability to feel understood as a person supports me in the work that I put in on myself for taking on each new day.

Challenges & Courage

My advice for someone going through a challenge, as cliche as it sounds, is to find hope in seeing through that challenge and trusting that things can and will get better. Learning to take on each day with finding the best even when it’s not the case, can bring out the opportunity to fight through those challenges and to not give up on themselves because they are worthy of being supported and celebrated for all that they are. Taking in important relationships and individuals can be motivating supports for getting through those challenges to be stronger than before on the other end of things. Like for me, every moment and instance regarding my family are moments that inspire me. I’m grounded and inspired in my family being my why and my driving force. Throughout the highs and lows that every family goes through, I am continually inspired by who they are as people and the life that they have made for themselves and for our family. I have a lifetime of memories and moments that inspire me and I still do and that’s really all because of my parents providing such for us which I’m eternally grateful for.

Culture of Care

I have a lot of hopes for my cultural community. One of them is for other Polynesians, especially Samoans like myself, to find pride and joy in the traditions from our ancestors and people long before us. I hope for my people to not lose sight of the strides that those before us made. I find inspiration from all of the contributions that my people have made because it serves as a guide for more strides to be made for upcoming generations. I hope for those in my cultural community to find acceptance and to have an understanding within themselves to make space for our traditions to include identities that are othered – those within our cultural community and those outside. I appreciate the strides of growth and I look forward to what is to come forward from the generations to come!

Impacts & Contributions

I believe “success” means something different for everyone and that there is no one set definition of it and what it looks like. Success to me and for me, is a means of stability and security for me as well as my family – both current and future. I want to make the most of all that my family has done for me and their sacrifices that they have made so that I can be even half of who I am and where I am today. What’s next for me on my journey and my vision for my future self are all based on how best of a person I can grow to be for myself and for my family, cultural community, loved ones, and all those around me.